Happiness: Part 1 – What is it? How Can I Get it?

What is happiness? Often when we think of happy people, we think of people who are optimistic, always positive, smiling and cheerful. They rarely complain and generally seem to have everything together in their lives. But do they?? Are things really going as smoothly as they seem in their lives? Being happy doesn’t mean that our life is without difficulties or stress. Being happy is related to experiencing pleasant and positive emotions. The circumstances of our lives have less to do with our ability to be happy than our response to those circumstances.

“We often place conditions on our ability to be happy. We are waiting until our finances are stable, until we are in the perfect relationship, have that dream job or lose those last 10lbs.”                                                                                                                    
We also place the cause of our happiness on many external sources, such as our circumstances or people in our lives. We assign blame onto others for making us feel a certain way, or on life situations that are so challenging that we feel they prevent us from being happy.”
Realistically speaking, there are many challenging or traumatic life events that can occur which are difficult to deal with or recover from, such as certain health conditions, loss of a loved one and the end of a relationship, among many others. Experiences such as these will interfere with our feelings of happiness or our ability to find joy amidst traumatic or painful events. This is normal and expected. However, we can find ways to regain feelings of happiness and once again find joy in our lives with support from those around us and by utilizing the appropriate skills and coping mechanisms.

You may be surprised to hear that studies show that an increase in income or an improvement in life circumstances does little to increase people’s reported feelings of happiness. It appears that part of the problem lies with wanting more. We often get so caught up with reaching the next promotion, getting a newer car or a bigger house, that we never really stop and enjoy our achievements or success.

We are too busy trying to outdo one thing with the next and focusing on our next goal with no acknowledgment of having reached the last one. This is where two essential components of happiness present themselves. Mindfulness and gratitude.

Living mindfully involves experiencing the moment and being aware of our thoughts and feelings without judgment. It requires us to let go of the schedule, the expectations and the to-do list and just be. We are often so preoccupied with what needs to be done next that we are never fully experiencing what is happening now. We miss out on meaningful interactions and experiences because our mind is two steps ahead of our present experience. You may be familiar with the phrase “stop and smell the roses”. That is a commonly used example to encourage you to live mindfully.

Being grateful for the blessings or privileges that we do have often brings a different perspective on our lives. Many of us fall into patterns of pointing out what we don’t have and what isn’t working in our lives, rather than what we do have and what is working. We often forget to express gratitude to others who have touched our lives, a practice which helps to increase happiness. Think about when someone asks you about your day. More often than not we list all the irritations of the day and the stressful events. We rarely comment on what went well or the more pleasant interactions we had that day. Making a conscious effort to express gratitude and being aware of our blessings can remarkably affect mood and increase feelings of happiness.

It is important to remember that happiness is not stable. No one is happy all the time and we have to experience emotions which are appropriate to the changing circumstances of life to be truly happy and healthy. However, we can all incorporate activities and habits that encourage and cultivate feelings of gratitude, optimism and overall happiness. In the next installment of our happiness blog, we will explore some of those techniques and practices and how to implement them into our lives.