Intimate Partner Violence – What it is and How to Help

A special thank you and deep gratitude to Dr. Aisha Dixon-Peters for this incredible, in depth blog about intimate partner violence.

Intimate Partner Violence – What it is and How to Help

Aisha Dixon-Peters, Psy.D.

When you think of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), often called Domestic Violence (DV), what popular images come to mind for you? The recently emerged video of Baltimore Ravens’ football player Ray Rice punching his wife? The recent episode of popular TV series Scandal in which a tearful and trembling Abby hides behind her desk, drenched in her own vomit after suffering the trauma of unexpectedly seeing her abusive ex-husband at her place of employment? Diane Cilento’s harrowing account of verbal and physical abuse by ex-husband Sean Connery including her locking herself in the bathroom after he had punched and knocked her out? Perhaps Sean Connery’s own repeated assertions in interviews that he saw nothing wrong with hitting a female partner? Most of us have images of IPV that readily come to mind – they are encoded in our brain as a result of seeing or hearing of horrific violence and having a human reaction. For survivors of IPV, the images that most readily come to mind may very well be of their own first hand experiences with an abusive partner.

Susan Forward, Ph.D., provides a clear, comprehensive definition of intimate partner violence as any behavior that is intended to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults…the systematic persecution of one partner by another partner. This definition gives us a better grasp on the ways in which IPV is systemic abuse sustained through the psychological control, and often entrapment, of another person.

In the mainstream media we often see IPV portrayed as physical abuse. The images portrayed often involve horrific beatings, the image of a woman cowering beneath her boyfriend or husband’s clenched fist, her eyes black and blue. These portrayals are not inaccurate; about 50% of IPV incidents result in injuries that can range in severity from bites, scratches, damage to hearing or vision, burns, bruises, cuts, concussions, broken bones, knife wounds, traumatic brain injuries, miscarriages, and death. Yes, the injuries caused by IPV are serious and can even be lethal; intimate partner violence causes about 1300 deaths per year in the US, and over 30% of American women who are murdered are killed by their partners.

While physical violence of a woman at the hands of a man is a common reality of what IPV looks like, it is only part of the reality. We see and hear less about intimate partner violence among same-sex couples – but research tell us the rates are about the same, or sometimes higher, than for heterosexual couples. We often don’t hear as much about the other forms of IPV that can occur including the sexual abuse, verbal abuse, manipulation and coercion, stalking (cyber and otherwise), humiliation, and even threats to harm or kill a victim/ survivors’ loved ones. However these other forms of relationship violence do occur and are more common than we would like to believe.

“What are the effects of IPV? When we think about love and intimacy, we don’t automatically include terror and trauma, fear and danger, but for those in IPV relationships, these experiences are very much intertwined.”

These conflicting emotions impact those subjected to IPV in ways that are often more traumatic and more complex than violent encounters that are not interpersonal in nature. Some of the most common psychological consequences of IPV are depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder. Symptoms of depression can include persistent feelings of sadness, decreased interest or pleasure, fatigue and loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and disturbance in sleep and appetite. Someone experiencing anxiety may have frequent worries and obsessions, irritability, and difficulty concentrating and relaxing. Those who experience posttraumatic stress often imagine or relive the trauma with unwanted memories of the event(s), images, nightmares, or even physiological sensations related to the experiences of the abuse. They may experience hyper-vigilance about the possibility of future harm, difficulty relaxing or keeping still, disrupted sleep, and avoidance of things and situations that remind them of the abuse. In addition, there are many other psychological consequences of IPV. Often a survivor’s sense of self is greatly impacted and they may experience low self-worth, self-blame, difficulty making decisions, and feelings of vulnerability, powerlessness, and helplessness that contribute to the psychological entrapment that sustains IPV relationships. Shame and embarrassment are also common emotional reactions and can further intensify isolation and attempts to hide the abuse from family and friends. This can be even more severe for those from marginalized social groups including immigrants, persons of color, persons outside of the gender binary, and those in same sex relationships who have historically experienced discrimination from oppressive policies within legal, justice, or health systems. In short, IPV causes damaging and painful psychological repercussions.

So how do survivors cope with these traumatic experiences? In order to endure the painful effects of severe trauma and violence, many seek relief through numbing with alcohol, drugs, or other addictions. For some survivors, the pain and entrapment lead to questions about why they are living, as their sense of self has been deeply affected. Many blame themselves for what happened, and some even consider suicide as a way out of a vicious cycle of violence or a way to end their feelings of shame and guilt. These thoughts and reactions are indicators that more support and resources are desperately needed to determine how to effectively process and cope with the pain and move toward greater safety and well-being.

If you yourself are in an IPV relationship or are feeling the painful effects of this trauma, you are not alone! Please seek help! There is supportive, nonjudgmental counseling available that can help you on your journey to safety, healing, and well-being. Help is available and healing is possible!

Research shows that therapy, support groups with other survivors of IPV, and support from friends and community can make healing and well-being possible. An important first step for many is calling an IPV hotline such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at 800-799-SAFE (7233). NDVH can help you get connected with resources and develop plans for your safety. And when you’re ready for counseling, the therapists at Creative Insights Counseling can assist you.

If someone you know is experiencing IPV, recognize that IPV is a deeply entrapping traumatic relationship and that your loved one may already be blaming her/himself for the abuse. The most important thing you can do is to offer love and compassion and share your concern for her/his safety and well-being. Provide your loved one with the National Domestic Violence Hotline number (800-799-SAFE) and encourage them to call and seek help. You can also seek out and support organizations dedicated to supporting survivors and preventing IPV. Yes, IPV happens in the context of a romantic relationship, but it is a community and societal problem – we all can be part of the solutions to eradicate relationship violence.

Educate yourself! Get involved!

Check out these great organizations working to end relationship violence:

Peace Over Violence (POV). Dedicated to preventing violence and achieving social change. www.peaceoverviolence.org

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Advocates for major societal changes to eliminate personal and social violence. www.ncadv.org

INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence. National organization to eradicate violence against women of color and their communities. www.incite-national.org

Asian & Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence. A national resource center on gender-based violence against Asians, Native Hawaiians, and Pacific Islanders.

The Northwest Network. Working to end abuse in LGBT communities and support and empower survivors. http://nwnetwork.org/

No More. A campaign focused on ending domestic violence and sexual assault. www.nomore.org

 Mending the Sacred Hoop: Working to End Violence Against Native American Women www.mshoop.org

****************************************************************************************************

Dr. Dixon-Peters is a licensed clinical psychologist with a passion for raising awareness  about critical social issues and providing advocacy and individual and group therapy for the healing and wellness of individuals who have experienced these and other complex life challenges.

She earned her doctoral degree from the University of La Verne and has worked in both university counseling and community mental health settings. Dr. Dixon-Peters is in private practice in Toluca Lake (Burbank, CA). She can be reached at [email protected]

References

Astin, M. C., Lawrence, K. J., & Foy, D. W. (1993). Posttraumatic stress disorder among battered women: Risk and resiliency factors. Violence and Victims, 8(1), 17-28.

Browne, A. (1993). Violence against women by male partners: Prevalence, outcomes, and policy implications. American Psychologist, 10, 1077-1087.

Coker, A. L., Smith, P. H., Thompson, M. P., McKeown, R. E., Bethea, L., & Davis, K. E. (2002). Social support protects against the negative effects of partner violence on mental health. Journal of Women’s Health & Gender-Based Medicine, 11(5), 465-476.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Complex PTSD: A syndrome in survivors of prolonged and repeated trauma. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 5(3), 377-389.

Jackson, H., Philp, E., Nuttall, R. L., & Diller, L. (2002). Traumatic brain injury: A hidden consequence for battered women. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 33(1), 39-45.

Saunders, D. G. (1994). Posttraumatic stress symptom profiles of battered women: A comparison of survivors in two settings. Violence and Victims, 9(1), 31-43.

Walker, L. E. (1999). Psychology and domestic violence around the world. American Psychologist, 54(1), 21-29.